11 January, 2007

The Wanderer

According to my family, the first incident for me was at about 30 months of age. My parents were out and had left us with a babysitter for the afternoon/evening. Somehow I managed to leave the house and walk 3 blocks to the near by elementary school. Once there, I found an open classroom where a PTA meeting happened to be going on. After some franticness, I was returned home later that evening with the help of the local police department and many concerned parents.

That was the first sign to my parents that I was a wanderer. As I grew up, the question of “Where is Brian?” was repeated over and over. There were the numerous times that I disappeared in a busy mall, or wandered away from home, only to be found at a neighbor’s house. I never really thought about letting someone know where I was going, as the idea that they would worry when they couldn’t find me was a foreign concept. I knew where I was going and that I was safe so, by proxy, they knew that as well.

I never did outgrow the desire to wander. As an adult, I have developed the capacity to understand why people became so concerned. That is probably the only reason I don’t wander to this day. Every once in a while, however, I will take a day for me to go do those things that I need to do to pacify the wanderer in my.

Connor’s first sign of being a wanderer was at about 20 months. One fun day he managed to defeat the deadbolt on the screen door and started on a journey. When my wife caught up to him, he had already made it around the corner and was heading along the sidewalk of a rather busy street. After bringing Connor back to the house, my wife set about trying to figure out where he was heading. With a little bit of creative parenting, we finally determined that Connor was going to Disneyland. He was obsessed with Disneyland at the time.

Learning from this first incident, we started to pay close attention to where Connor was at all times and also to how we could secure the area to prevent his escape. Less than a month later we were attending a birthday party in my Great Aunt’s back yard, our attention waned for just long enough… and Connor escaped again. His absence was noticed almost immediately and “Where is Connor?” was on everyone’s lips. I suspected that he had left the “controlled” area and checked the driveway. That is when I spotted him. Connor was in the street and a car had just come to a stop… less then 1 foot from hitting him. I dashed into the street and scooped him up in my arms, trembling with fear.

When we moved into our new home in Stockton, we were very concerned with him wandering off again. Our home security system had the option of announcing when ever a door was opened… so we set that feature to at least offer us warning. Even with this in place, Connor wandered. After a few months in the new home, Connor went out the front door and down the street… heading for Disneyland again. We added security to our house, in the form of a swing latch bolt on the front door. To this day, that seems to have curtailed his leaving the house.

The one incident that really opened our eyes and helped us to tye the wandering to Autism came in January of 2004 when we took a trip to Disneyland to have fun in the “Happiest Place on Earth”. This was nothing unusual, as we (my wife and I) had been making trips there since before the children were ever born and we usually made 2 or more trips a year as a family. Remembering that Connor is a wanderer, my wife and I have always been careful to keep close tabs on him when we are in such a crowded place as Disneyland. Unfortunately, it only takes a moment for him to disappear. That moment came while we, as a family, were enjoying looking at the funny hats at the front store of Disney’s California Adventure. Connor and Aiden were trying on different hats and being all around silly. I looked away for a moment to tell my wife something and when I looked back, I saw two boys with silly hats on… unfortunately, only one of the boys was mine. Connor was off! “Where is Connor?” Those words once again started to tumble from our lips as we searched the store and the immediate area around it, trying desperately to find him. Leaving the store, I glanced towards the front gate and realized where Connor had gone. I rushed through the turnstile and found Connor half way across the walkway to Disneyland. Yes, once again Connor was heading to Disneyland and actually stood a very good chance of making it there this time.

After the incident, my wife and I reflected upon all the times he had wandered off. It was finally starting to click with all of the reading I had done over the previous six months on Autism. It was only two months later that Connor was officially diagnosed.

Unfortunately, this is not one of my blog entries where I am able to offer a great nugget of advice, a strong opinion, or other useful bit. To this day we are still trying to find new and creative ways to keep Connor from wandering off. With his latest obsession being the Pokemon Center in New York City… we are frightened that he will end up on a plane or bus traveling there. For now, all we can do is keep our eyes open and continue to defeat his attempts to wander off.

It is tough having a wanderer.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Sandrissimo said...

Man, that rings a bell over here! When Y was about 18 months, we went on an camping trip to France, all people referred to our son as "the wanderer"! He just took off whenever he found an opportunity...

We found a solution in letting him walk barefoot, the camping area had pebble stone pathways and those little stones hurt his feet.

He also refused to give us a hand when we went for a walk. So we bought this dodgy looking strap that went around his belly and had a little leish. It looked awkward and something you would only do to a dog, but it was the only way we could keep him close enough to us in places that could be dangerous for such a little boy...

Now he still wanders off sometimes, but now he understands that he has to warn us, so we know where he's off to (most of the time).

San

12 January, 2007 13:56  
Anonymous Brian The Autistic Jedi said...

We used one of the "leash" harnesses for a little while, but Connor has always been BIG for his age, so he out grew it WAY too fast.

12 January, 2007 13:59  
Anonymous mcewen said...

I have one wanderer which is why I'm so fearful of taking them out 'in public' in unfamiliar places. When we go to the 'same places' it's o.k. because I've narrowed down the attractive things like electric doors, elevators and so on, and where there are so I'm on safer ground. When you find a good strategy for 'everywhere else' let me know!
Cheers

14 January, 2007 15:11  
Anonymous Sandrissimo said...

Hi mcewen, when we went out to a place that was possibly dangerous for the kids (one with autisme, one with ADHD, I don't know which one is/was the "worst"!) we took turns in watching them. So one of us could "relax" for a few minutes, while the other one was "on guard".

When for instance my parents or my sister or a friend I really trusted came with us, they also took their turn of "guarding" the kids.

And even with this strategy we've "lost" them a few times and my youngest even fell in a fountain at a mall when he was about 5. We heard the big splash, all parents turned their heads in a split second and you could hear the sigh of relief that it wasn't their child...

You can imagine our sigh when we realized it was our child...

San

18 January, 2007 12:57  
Anonymous Tracy said...

Hello I am a mom of a 8 year old named Zacc who is autisic. He has been a wanderer from the early age of 4, how do we make it safe for these kids? He knows how to unlock any lock!! He is very tall for his age 54 inches when he wants out he will get out to wonder!! So how can I help him stay safe he has no clue of how unsafe he is and how the world is so cruel!! Other family members think that it is so easy not letting him wonder off!!? Any suggestions on how to keep himsafee at a low cost? Please Help!!!! A MOM very afraid!! Tracy

18 November, 2007 18:41  

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